Tag Archives: yearning

Missing

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Like a dream

Waiting, waiting, waiting

I’m push me down frustrating

Myself and you with all I do

And catching breath-I’m baiting

And lift me up I’m brushing

There is no use in rushing

Myself today, I’m here for play

Then close my eyes, I’m trusting

Awake me now for fever

I’ll make of you believer

And all along, hum siren’s song

And into dreams-I’m weaver

Juxtiposed (They’re about sex!!!!)

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A conversation between husband and wife

Baby doll

-is that all?

Good little girl…

-But I rocked your world.

Honey mouth.

-All I’m about?

You’re the best.

-I’m just sex.

Come here you.

-No, I’m through.

But I’m not done!

-Put your pants on.

_____________________

Crux

I rollick and  roll,

I scream and I shout

But crux ain’t my crotch

Or close there-a-bouts

It sits up much higher

Between-hind two breasts

Or up a step more

And inside my head

And if you desire

Their lower twin-friend

You have to accede to

The means to my end

Oh get me to thinking

Or feeling what’s good

And take me out walking

Over streets and through wood

Talk to me nightly

And sing me to sleep

Read to me softly

Words make me weep

Love me so wholly

That I lose control

And soon you’ll be knowing

What I only show

To those that can reach me

And make me feel dear

And parted, I’m teaching

The crux is right here

Blazing glory

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Behind storm clouds is an unspoken gift

Hidden beneath the fray

And bring you above, in heaven I’ll lift

Come bid the sunlight raise

This treasure you seek, innumerable

Hid closed within my gaze

Like wood to my fire, you’re consumable

Across your skin I’ll play

So forgive me oh please my stuttering

It is my only way

I am intent on your sweet shuddering

Which only adds fuel to my flame

Stolen time

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I know it’s only a token

Of things I cannot bring light

But these tender words I’ve spoken

Make me feel like I’m doing you right

And I know that I’m not a goddess

But I could be fooled by your eyes

And yes to say, I know, odd-this

I could see in them truths even if I were blind

And I lie with you in moments I stole

From life gone too fast in rapid-flash pace

Wrapped up in arms warming-letting me know

I can slow down now, it isn’t a race

Til I race from your bed clothes and dressing for door

I slam back to life track, and get me back on

Then looking back over, I’m still wanting more

But duty does call me, and the moment is gone

 

 

 

Journal entry from October

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This season reminds me of you.Especially when it’s raining. The boom-rumble thunder shaking the house is reminiscent of gasping kisses and curious searching hands. I fell in love with you on a day like this, and you always resurfaced in my life in the fall. My eyes grow nostalgic as I sit on my back porch watching the low glow of the autumn gloaming bring a strange luminescence to the golden reds of nature turning in for the season. Fall always brings that alien yearning back to my breast, pulling me in all directions but nowhere. I still miss your face after all these years, and this year I’m almost drowning in the poignancy. I know it’s because I’m in love again. I feel it in my throat and my gut, and I am absolutely captivated. My memory is drawn to you now, even though the only thing the two of you have in common is me… And this feeling I have. It’s just the same, only this time I’m scared. I know what losing feels like. I know how it feels for your heart to ache with the love it cant give anymore, til you feel like you’re going to fly to pieces. I don’t know if I could survive something like that again. You see, hope never dies. It’s survival is it’s cruelty. It gets put away into boxes, shuffled in with scraps of paper covered with adolescent poetry and homemade hemp necklaces, and fades into a stinging reminder of what could have been.

I think maybe the aching is for the girl I was, too. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I catch glimpses of that bouncing ball of exuberance and I forget the tumult of the time. I remember the girl who was hungry for experience and laughter. Where every day was an adventure, and i wanted to touch, taste, see, DO it all. I still want that… But the possibilities don’t seem as endless now. I don’t feel as fearless and capable. That girl knew that she was something special. She knew she was going to do great things… The woman is not so sure… And that loss is not yours to shoulder… I just remember her best back then… I only miss who I was with you, how hopeful and free… So I close my eyes and let the cutting wind take me back to a place where the rain stung my cheeks as you kissed the wet from my nose, where blue-green-star shifting eyes laughed and sparkled me into mischief. I try to capture that girl who laughed around all of those wooded places with you, and dance her from my mind into the future, where maybe she can lend me some of that courage. I think I may need it again.

A bunch written some months ago

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Great expectations

I want to be full on eidetic

I want to lose this hella hectic

I want to be true-life respected

I want to be what you never expected

But I’m not one to organize

And Chaos colors my hazle eyes

And everyone sees through the loose-fit guise

All that’s left to me is suprise

An element I’m getting good at

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No time

I havent got the time,

The time, time, time for you

I’ve got all of the time

Time, time in the world, it’s true

I’m just too lazy

lazy in the headspace

To take on a crazy

Another crazy headcase

So excuse me if I’m lying

Lie-lie lying on the floor

I failed when I went walking

Walk-walking out your door.

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Young at heart

Oh I’m shaking, I’m quaking, I rolic and roll

I feel what I feel, and I’ll never grow old

My body may age, and time well will pass

But this youth in my blood shall always hold fast

I’m rising, I’m learning, I feel what I feel

Warm sunlight shining through silk-wrapped up steel

-I am! Alive, and profoundly right here

Amidst the true goodness of all I hold dear.

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Invitation

Loving life and laughter

Reveals the ever-after

The happy true-end story

That is my birth-right glory

See, I’m living in the moment

and I really truely hope that

You’ll share this joy with me.

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The pain makes it real

I love the ache of life

The cold cut of the knife,

The sharp and stinging wind,

A sudden truthful grin,

The piercing of the stone,

The lone and misty gloam,

I love all that it brings,

The whisper trees that sing,

The sadness and the rage

-Every turning page

I love the land and sky

And every tear I cry

Shout from place on high

I am here, and I’m ALIVE!

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Morning song

Dawn creeps slowly across the earth

Every morning reminiscent of new birth

Mists rise like a mantle thrown

Amazing me at how I’ve grown

This death of night, a borning day

Has given rise for me to say

I love this world I live within

And give my life to loving it.

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The grace of falling

The beauty of me is not in face,

In cloying charm, or limbs of grace

But in tumult dancing, rise and fall

The fate of living life to call

An answer sent far out to wind,

A swirling massive cloud of grin.

I am no beauty when I am stilled,

Attraction pulled from life-I’m filled.

Moving with the pulse from birth,

Keeping it, til I’m interred to earth.

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Contradiction today

You can rely on me

To be difficult

You can rely on me

To be a real pain

You can rely on me

You can rely on me

You can’t rely on me

Today…

Today I am sunny

Today I am blue

And isn’t it funny?

All the things that I do..

So please rely on me

To make a difference

And please rely on me

To say it plain

Oh do rely on me

Yes, you rely on me

Just rely on me,

I’m safe.

and now for two COMEPLETELY different

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I open it

Surrepticiously

Checking first

That no one sees

I open it

A sigh escapes

I stare

At half mast eyes

And lips tossed wide

Self-satisfied

I’ve opened it

and I’ve opened me

I close my eyes

Remembering

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Again and again and again

Chalk it up to one less friend

Over and over and over, I’m sure

There’s gotta be some untest cure

It’s getting to point where I don’t feel it funny

They stick on my skin like flies to sweet honey

After everything I just heard them say…

I feel like I need to go bathe.