Tag Archives: helplessness

Not my usual style (For OneStop)

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Waterspots

Eerily, unearthly swell

Drives against the ear drum well

And swells into a thrumming hum

Telling you the tide has won

So pulling you into the sea

A breathless wash of floating free

And thickly, lungs wrapped wet in wool

Your chest concave against the pull

And empty sucking, impotent

Has breath from rushing water rent

Soon air-choked mind begins to thrash

As burning lungs from water splash

The cloying doom of  salty shroud

As passing looms in drifting down

But sudden does the reflex pass

And mind and form move to relax

So drifting pleasant can become

-Man and sea becoming one

It’s that time again! OneStopPoetry is having the Wednesday poetry share, and all are welcome to share if they like, or just come in and browse all the lovely work. Have fun! (and don’t forget to congratulate the team of OneStop for their much deserved shorty award!)

Enclosure

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Things just aren’t what they used to be

What they used to be

No more

Strung gone numb got the best of me

And the rest of me

For sure

Ain’t worth time, don’t invest in me

I contest the plea

No more

______________________________

I cannot!

I will not!

I’ll leave you alone…

It’s not in

My Nature,

No, I’m better known

For pushing

And pressing

Til I get my way

And I never

Will move on

Til I’ve had my say

______________________

I approximate some sort of conscience

Since I’ve decided who I want to be

And I suppose I’m only disturbed since

I’ve dealt out divergence with ease

And diversions are all that I’m selling

Seem that’s all I’ve got down in my stock

Just pretend that it’s something compelling

And you’ll have all the buyers on lock

And locking from lies I need turn face

And gnashing what’s tight in my brain

No longer will will become misplaced

From divergence I need come restrained

So coming undone with the pressure

And the force of reality clear

I’m thinking what may be the best cure

Is to let go of wheel and not steer

Dear God (fuck you) may 7, 2008

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I am a mightly crystal brick. Shiny bullet proof thick, sweet and pure and slippery-slick. Absent from the distance, holding me back in time. Total recall. I used to have. Now I forget too much from day to day. And remember too much from yesterday. There was a time I truely prayed. I believed. Belived in something stronger, something greater. An all knowing all-creator. An omnipotent omnipresence. Some may call it god. Now I call it wrong and sick and odd. To think theres someone always watching, that there is something out there. Has everyone running scared. Looking over shoulders, hoping to be missed… Dear lord,you know I think… You know, if you really DO exist.. Man, you GOTTA be pissed. Look at the mess we’ve made. With all this shit we do to each other. Brother fucking over brother, kids spitting on their mothers… Takes to long for us to discover, that we’re all we got on this damn stupid rock. We’re all we fucking got. But our biggest claim to undying fame, is a the fucked up shit done in your name. And when we fuck it up, we displace the blame. “The devil made me do it.” “Don’t blame me, the gun ain’t mine.” “Motherfucker, what do you mean, when I left her the bitch was fine!”  “She fell, she fell! Aw, go to hell! I told you twice, the bitch, she fell!”  God bless the little children. And all the shit done to them. Preists in shepards clothing, Costantly disrobing. And who but they must bless them, when the sit smug in their confession. A vow cannot be broken, so when the truth is spoken. A blind eye must be turned… And what fucking pennence is earned? How many hail fucking marys does it take to wash THAT sin clean? Is that what God has come to mean? It’s enough to make me turn green… Makes me sick. So here I sit, thick as a goddamn fucking brick. What am I supposed to do? I used to believe in you. Saw it as a one big honest truth. But then I saw too much of the abuse, that this sick world can produce… Bust just in case you ARE out there, hiding somewhere… Heres to you, God. This one’s for you, God… FUCK YOU.

Old Journal entry april 17 2008

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Wind it down, wind me up. I’m wired backwards, the lines are crossed. My mind is not my friend today, it’s lonely, and I’m lost… Why wont the voices say anything, I sure could use some advice… The only voice I hear is my own today, (and I’m not being very nice.) Nice… Nice… Chop it up and put it on ice. Before you swallow, chew it twice… (Just to make sure that you won’t choke…) Bet it all, and go for broke. Broke… Broken little toys, for all the girls and boys. Shattered hearts bring no joy, (so some one hand me the glue..). And some paper and scisors too… See, I know what to do. Construction paper hearts, and lace. Scraps of paper all about the place. Make a mask over my face… And tear it off again. YOU (me) ARE NOT MY FRIEND!!! The path of least resistance… brings no distance… Travel in circles, always back the start, back on the stage. Now bring me some growth with age. I call for the piper, prince or the pauper. Some empty quotes from Cindy Lauper… Girls just wanna have fun.. (and I’m a girl) but I don’t just wanna have fun. I wanna love the life I’ve won. I wanna be proud of what I’ve done. Finish what I’ve begun. My headspace is sick. Thick as a brick. Taunting me, telling me.. Diminishing my reality, and making me doubt my ability. To see this (you) all of it.. Through. To the finish line. (IS there a finish line?) I know I’m yours… will you be mine? If Ima real good girl. And I do it right, and rock your world.. And don’t trip up and run away… And hold back fear, and always stay… (why won’t the fear just GO AWAY)… Where do I go from here. I cannot silence, but can ignore the fear. I know.. I know… I know, I know… Fuck.. hell… I don’t know. what is it that I’m asking? This light in which I’m basking. I am as real as I know how to be. Chameleons in my memory. Switching out reality, and blinding eyes too bruised to see, what it is ahead of me. The path unclear of all debris. Peices of hearts strewn all about. All bits of me that I’ve cut out. Now how do I put them back again. Which way does this fit in? Fuck! SHIT! I’ve got it backwards… No wonder it wouldn’t fit that way (oh, now it’s crushed) Oh well, didn’t wan that peice anyway… Puzzles aren’t my favorite game to play… But damn do I puzzle me, counfound, confuse, befuddle me.  I want what I want, and that’s how it is… Just don’t ask my plans for getting it. Confound it… I lost it! No I’ve found it… Now I’ve gotta dog-trot hound it. Some one put me on a leash, I shouldn’t run around out loose. “Oh, I like your shoes!” Damn… Why does my mind have to run in circles on me?

Missing

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Like a dream

Waiting, waiting, waiting

I’m push me down frustrating

Myself and you with all I do

And catching breath-I’m baiting

And lift me up I’m brushing

There is no use in rushing

Myself today, I’m here for play

Then close my eyes, I’m trusting

Awake me now for fever

I’ll make of you believer

And all along, hum siren’s song

And into dreams-I’m weaver