Terror

Standard

Mini and major melt-downs run amok. I’m missing people I’d let go of, but the time I’m having is making me want to reach for them for comfort… But relationships get severed for a reason, and I’m a messy tangle of feeling I can’t wrangle together enough to make sense of. Struggling with my health and health insurance. Having some very scary stuff going on in my body, and not wanting to give details to anyone (besides those that bear witness) for fear of frightening them. Because it is frightening, and I’m frightened. But how do you talk about your health and how bad it is when you don’t know for SURE how bad it really is? You don’t want to burden people with your worry. the 18th… I keep telling myself, everything will start to get sorted after that. diagnostics. They’ll tell me. but until then… I feel alone, and scared. YOU. Hey you. The person I haven’t spoken with in a while (there are a few)… You KNOW if you’re important to me. I don’t know how to reach out right now. I’m scared. I feel alone. I need my friends. my phone number hasn’t changed. Call me. Ask me how I’m doing. I may tell you the truth. It may hurt to hear it. But I need to talk. I know I haven’t called or texted, or ANYTHING in a while… but still. I don’t know how to reach out directly. I need to be asked. I won’t tell you unless I know you want to hear. I’ve got some important things to say… I just don’t know who’s going to listen.

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About Keats

Oh I'm sassy and I'm sexy, So silly sweet-and-sour Delightfully disastrous And deliciously dour I'm flippantly foolish, Filled I am with fear Can't concentrate completely, and my conduct isn't clear But to bravely be my best I Bring bravado back, BEHOLD!

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