I had my feelings hurt today. It was something stupid, a silly little comment on facebook. It shouldn’t have meant anything to me at all, but I know the person “IRL” and it made me redefine my opinion of them in a negative way, and those who know me know I hate doing that.
I made a post on FB regarding a new exercise regimen I’ve recently implemented. My mother made a comment about a “manic phase”. Those that know me are aware that I am living with bipolar effective disorder, but without pharmacological management. I’m doing very well on my progression towards being able to live productively without them… I began to correct my mother on the thread, and an acquaintance pops in and says that DOES in fact, sound like mania.
For those of you who’ve never experienced being inside of a manic brain, an excerpt:
Kila and Goliath (2008)
I’m in the head sick and, I’m sick of this affliction. So excuse my lack of diction, but it is my predeliction, to mumble when I’m scared. Always so Illprepared. It always creeps up unannounced and… Then it pounces. And I’m just as shocked as the next one. In my face, here’s a panic shock, and legs locked, I stand stock-Still until the pill will. Disolve, and solve it all. But I don’t swallow them anymore. So what do I do in replacement? What’ll be my fear time call erasement? Kill the demon in the basment? That whispers up at night. Aimless worries in my head, floating low over my bed and tilting my reality, til I can no longer see… That they’re baseless, faceless, foundless, out of bounds and groundless. So I guess I’ll go a-demon huntin, A-hunting I will go… I’ll take my razor wit, viper’s tongue, and who knows, I might bag a giant giant along the way… So watch out Goliath, Kila’s on her way…
This is not a comfortable place to be. It is a place that even when it feels good, it hurts. It hurts your life, the people around you, and after it’s over you’re left to pick up the pieces of what you’ve done to yourself. SO… I’m a little sensitive on the topic. I reacted defensively to the acquaintance’s response, educating him very quickly on the differences between motivation and mania, albeit a little ham-handedly. He pretty much continued to support his social gaff on the basis that he didn’t know I was sensitive about it… He then demeaned my response and defensiveness of the issue and informed me that he wouldn’t really be talking to me any more…. What I want to know is, when did apologies become unnecessary? When you hurt someone’s feelings you don’t say “**I didn’t know you were sensitive about this, we can’t be friends and I’m not going to talk to you any more now” (**not an actual quote, but a synopsis of what he said). No, you’re supposed to apologize, make note to avoid the topic in the future, and move on. It’s called etiquette.